Monday, October 24, 2005

So what does it take to get on that 3 Wishes show?

I watched a man die today. I wasn't even at work. Patty and I were up in the Garment District and we saw a fruit peddler get hit by a car. He flew into the corner of a building. His spine was broken and his body was all twisted and his head was split open. There was blood splattered everywhere and people were screaming. We stayed and gave our report to the cops. I don't think anyone else did. It was pretty horrible especially for Patty. She doesn't work in the ED. She's kind of like Eliza in that way. They're not into blood and gore. Neither am I really, but it goes with the job.

I hope that was what my dream was all about. It did seem kind of like the dream. I hope that's the end of it. Drew and Binh are selling their house. I hope Carey can sell it for them. That would be cool. They're buying something else so they don't have to think about the empty baby's room.

My High Priest is up to something. I don't know what's going on yet, but I'll find out. My so-called stepsister came by the other day and left us a note. My monster is having a Halloween Festival at the chateau and is inviting Goth Boy and me and all my friends. Can you believe this shit? I realize it's her lame way of trying to reach out and make up, but fuck me. She caused all this madness and now she's inviting me and "any of your friends you'd like to bring" back to the scene of the fucking crime. God she's so fucking retarded. As if I'd ever be stupid or self-destructive enough to fall for her shit again.

I have to work all this week and then party on the weekend. I have three parties to go to this weekend. Patty is now going as a dead Victorian little girl. Her costume is really cool. Rad is going as Willie Wonka. We'll probably end up at The Abbey again eventually.

confessions of The Shadow * 10:59 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, October 21, 2005

We are all sitting here waiting for the guys. How backwards is that? Me and Patty and Eliza are sitting here waiting for the guys to get here so we can go. My High Priest, Patty's Man, and Dickie are supposedly on the way over. Notice how none us is holding her breath? They're coming in from the island. Over the bridges and down the coast and then a left on Magnolia. Here we are. Just sitting here waiting.

Eliza is interviewing two different people for her class. She's interviewing some lady I never heard of who writes mystery books, and also some friend of Carey's who invented Animal Planet. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing Rollins turned her down. I think rejection is kind of good for Miss Mary Sunshine. It's not that I'm enjoying that Rollins turned her down, which he did really nicely and it's totally understable. Have you seen his fucking schedule? He's so crazy. I think it's good for her to not get her way. She doesn't mope or anything, but she has to think sideways and I'm like welcome to my planet. Figuring it out is like my daily life.

So now all three of us are sitting here looking at the walls, which thanks to Patty are actually worth looking at. We've been listening to really old vinyl I stole from Carey called Short Walk On A Long Pier. It's super vintage Rollins. I think he put it out when he was like 12.

Someday, when the guys get here, we're going to the Abbey to pick up Rad and his new manlove. From there we are going to a party in the HoWood Hills. From there we are maybe going to the valley to pick up some video Patty's Man thinks he needs. Doesn't that sound like too much fun for one night?

confessions of The Shadow * 7:56 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Last night we went to a spirit circle. There were only six of us and the medium. His name is Tim Braun. He's really cool. He's been seeing spirits since he was a kid and he studied under that other medium James Vanprague. My friend W came. I know her from The Library and Carey knows her from somewhere else. Her ex killed himself in April. She's so totally skeptical, but we wanted her to come because we were so sure her ex would come to apologize. He showed up, but also a bunch of other people came with messages for her mom. JB's dad and two ex lovers came. They gave him kisses and his dad had a lot to say to him. He died when JB was only 6 and he wanted to tell him that he'd been watching him grow up and he was so proud of him and that he loved him and stuff like that. MD's parents came and his dad told him that he was waiting for his auntie with open arms. MD's aunt is in a hospice and she's got ESRD. She's on her last legs. AR's grandfather came and she wasn't sure who he was and he dimmed the lights twice. That's never happened there. That stuff was happening before a while ago before Mother Holley released the spirit. It scared the shit out of us. Stuff was moving and lights were dimming and the TV's and stereo were acting werid. We were all having nightmares and Carey knew someone was next to her or in front or behind her all the time. It was so scary.

Last night was so cool, though. I invited my special friend and he came through for me again. He always comes and I want him to stay with me all the time. Goth Boy is kind of pissed at me today. He doesn't think I should be messing around with this stuff because he doesn't understand it and he doesn't know how to work it. He hates being at a disadvantage. He likes to learn how to work and manipulate stuff immediately so he'll have the advantage. That's why he's always got his nose stuck in a book or mag. He's a total information junkie. He can't stand not knowing something. It pisses him off. He has to have working knowledge about everything. I think this is why he can talk to anyone anytime. He's always got something to say and he knows what he's talking about. Not that he wants to actually talk to too many people, but you know.

Patty wants to go next time we have a spirit circle. Liza says she's too scared, but there's nothing to be afraid of. I don't think she should bother. She doesn't know anyone who's died. Goth Boy and Patty's Man both said no way no day. I can't wait to do it again. Afterward when you go home it's like you're floating. We're having another one after Soulstis.

Anyway, Tim Braun is the real deal and he's amazing. I can't wait for Mommy to die so that she'll come back and he can tell me that she's sorry and that she loves me and is proud of me. I guess that's kind of sick. I know it is, but there isn't a lot I can do about it. It's useless for us to even try to communicate. Neither of us believes a goddam thing the other says so there it is. I invited my dad last night but he didn't show up. I don't know if he's dead or alive, but maybe once he dies he'll come to see me. Isn't it fucked that's my only hope of ever finding out who the hell he is/was? Thanks Mommy. Carey's dad showed up again. He said that the only way she's survived all the hell she's been through is that she's so smart. He said for her to hold onto that and to believe in herself because her joy is on it's way. Carey is smart. I've always thought that. She just does't have very much self-confidence. Who does? I'll tell you who. That stupid whore Sleeves was fucking. She's like the overly confident ugly girl who thinks she's the shit. She wants Sleeves back and she's been calling Liza. I hope she calls when I'm there. I feel ready to rip that bitch's head right off. Liza just tells her what her dad told her to say. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say. Please stop calling." That's what Liza says every time and then she hangs up. Bitchface has to keep calling back because she never gets any of her bitch out before Liza hangs it up. She absolutely refuses to fight with her. Maybe her dad is right. Maybe bitchface will get tired and it will be a 9 day wonder.

confessions of The Shadow * 12:40 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

What a crazy week. Douglas the Dick found us. He came and knocked on the door yesterday. I wasn't home. Patty slammed the door in his face and he stood outside in the hallway trying to talk to her for over an hour. My girl went out the back and climebed down the balconies and scaffolding until she got out to the lobby and down into the garage. What an asshole. Some guys just can't take a hint.

Goth Boy will be in town until after New Year's. Can you believe it? His stupid whore ex keeps texting him. What a cow. Patty's Man told me all about how desperate she is. What the fuck ever. My feeling is that she can have him if she gets him. But she has to get him first and he's going anywhere. For now. I know nothing is permanent, but some things are long lasting.

I introduced Liza to Boring Boy. He's madly in love. She thinks he's kind of boring. What a shocker. Of course almost anyone would be boring after dating Sleeves. That fucking idiot retard told the cops how he's going to destroy MTV and they're all skitch on him now. What a fucking dumb ass. His mother got him a lawyer and psychologist. There's nothing wrong with Sleeves. He's totally right to want to blow MTV to hell and back. He's just a bull in a vintage record shop. He should go be a VJay on Fuse. I doubt this is the end of Liza and Sleeves.

Work is kind of interesting. There's a patient I've seen a few times now. She's got a basketball tumor in her lower pelvis. For a while she thought she was pregnant. It's so disgusting. It has hair and possible calcium deposits inside. That means the tumor is confused and is trying to grow teeth and bone. She's on chemo and all that while they're tyring to figure out how to surgically remove it. The tumor's blood supply is all tangled up with her organs and they're afraid it's got spinal attachment. What a fucking drag. She's younger than me. Her boyfriend left her. She's declared bankruptcy because she was working as a waitress and she had no insurance. She's living with her mom and stepdad again. You can totally tell it's nonstop funville at that house. They're the kind of couple who smile really tight and pretend everything is super great when they really just want to kill each other. It's a lot of "not now, darling" and "whatever you say, honey".

I asked Goth Boy what he would do if I had a tumor baby growing inside me. He just looked at me really hard and said "I'd take care of you". Then I asked him what he would do if I had a slow death like that chick in Love Story. He just rolled his eyes and said he'd take me wherever I wanted to go so I could see and do whatever I wanted before I died and then he'd just make sure I wasn't in any pain and then he'd kiss me goodnight for the last time and then he'd bury me and have a huge super goth funeral for me. Isn't that the sweetest thing? I told him I'd do the same for him. He said not to bother. He said all he wanted was a kick in the ass and a cremation and then everyone should just move on. Whatever.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:29 AM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, October 07, 2005

I just got home from school. I had to do a lab make-up today. I was sick for a few days and then I got my High Priest sick. He didn't appreciate it, but when we're constantly having full body contact there's only so much I can do. I gave him echinacea and airborne and vitamic c, but he's still sick. One good thing is that he doesn't put on diapers and become the biggest fucking baby in the world like most guys. He's moving through it. We're currently the house of joy.

The fucking worthless sack of shit at work who couldn't stop hitting on me got fired. He was stealing from the cabinet. I saw him and I thanked the Puppet Masterof the Universe and went and got the charge. I told her I had something really fascinating for her to see and she thought I was a nutjob. Then I made her stand in my little secret hiding spot between the bathroom and the warmer and she could totally see what he was doing. She just said thank you and then she pulled his ass into the office and that was that. How anticlimactic. I was so totally looking forward to doing another penguin job. No such luck.

I'll tell you who might get the penguin - Sleeves. He's been fucking this retard who works at Buffalo Exchange. I've known for a while but Liza just found out the other night. The stupid whore called her and was being a complete bitch. She was telling Liza what a big dick Sleeves has and shit like that. So Liza called Sleeves all hysterical and he was all what, what? So Sleeves went over to the whore's place and freaked out on her, threatening her life and shit, and got arrested. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Liza's mom and dad were circling the wagons, as Goth Boy likes to say. So Sleeves was calling her and she unplugged her phone and turned off her cell.

So Patty and I went over there and her dad was nice to us. We went up to her room and it's like going back in time. I was suddenly back in high school and we were at a slumber party. I had to confess that I'd known about it for weeks and she fell apart all over again. Then her dad came in and was the "moderator" so we could "dialogue". They let me explain myself and finally she calmed down. Patty and I went home.

The next day Sleeves got sprung and went right over to Liza's and caused such a riot he got arrested again. Now both Liza and the whore have TRO's on him and he deserves it. He's okay as a person, even with all his crazy conspiracy theories and his MTV obsession, but he doesn't know how to be with a girl. I know he was only fucking that trash because Liza's not ready to get physical yet, but he should have been honest with her. He should have told her what was up and then she would have had a say in the decision besides feeling all betrayed. What a 'tard. He thought he had his shit all wrapped tight. Now it's all over town.

When Liza calms down I'm thinking of setting her up with Boring Boy. I think they might be perfect for each other. Or maybe they're both too vanilla to be together. I don't know. They might be. They both kind of crave excitement, but like through someone else. What is that again? Vicariously?

I'm pooped. Goth Boy and I have been practicing all the new positions I've been learning and he's totally into EMO with me. I love it. It's a constant fuckfest at his place. Last night he gave me again the stupid letter my Monster sent me. I'm not ever going to read it. She doesn't get to keep trying to reach me. I decide it's over. I break up with Mommy and she doesn't get to keep pursuing me. She's rejected me her whole life and I get to decide that it's over. I get to say that she can't do it to me any more. So I set her stupid letter on fire and I burned it to ashes. So that's it. Now it's over and done forever.

I have to work this whole weekend. It's okay now, though. I don't mind it right now because I like my job and Goth Boy and I need our space and that fucktard is gone.

confessions of The Shadow * 2:20 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~