Sunday, March 20, 2005

I'm losing my mind. I've had nothing but self love and phone sex with Goth Boy since he left. I wish he would come home. Even if it was just to make out. Carey said I should channel my sexual frustration into writing a how to book on phone sex. We probably need a good one. I've never seen a really good one. It's really all just about seeing stuff in your head and having some imagination. All that stupid Girl 6 bullshit is lame.

I need some stimulation. I'm signing up for a striptease class in LA with Patty. Patty's mom pays for this really expensive therapist that Patty has to go to so her mom will give her some rent money. When she's done with school and has a better job she's telling the therapist to kiss it. So Dr. Shrinkenstein, as Carey calls all therapists, told Patty to start taking an exercise class. Pilates was too expensive and Patty hates yoga because it's so slow and people are always trying to talk to her about being a little chubby. So I told her we should take this striptease class and she's all for it. I'm excited. I'm bringing my whip and cape to class so the teacher can help me work them into the routine.

Carey said I had to have 5 phone sex scripts ready for her in a week. I told her I'd give her a call. haha.

confessions of The Shadow * 3:30 PM

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

We went out to go see the all punk all cover band last night. I ended up sitting next to the most small minded rascist woman hating freak show that ever lived. He kept hitting on me by telling me all kinds of stupid low brow jokes that weren't even funny. I thought Patty's Man was going to kill him. I wished some of the CrewBoyz were around to beat his ass but finally the lead singer came over during band break and told him to beat it. The freakshow was all like uh, excuse me I'm in the middle of something here. But my lead singer shut him down. I let him buy me a beer as a thanks. He asked me where my man was and I told him he was in Florida. He said my man sure does go away and leave me alone a lot. That was when Patty's Man leaned across the table and asked Singer Boy if he was going to have to kick his ass tonight. Singer Boy said no, siree Bob. Patty asked Singer Boy where his woman was and he said she was missing. Maybe she was in Florida. I thought Patty's Man was ready to rip through the table to take Singer Boy out but Patty just started laughing and said Singer Boy's woman wasn't in Florida, she was in Xanadu. That really broke the ice. Then later when Singer Boy went back onstage he and the band ripped through that song and a bunch of other ONJ songs like nobody's busines.

I miss Goth Boy. I wish he would come home and fuck me.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:24 PM

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Friday, March 11, 2005

I went to the garment district with Patty today. We found a lot of really cool fabrics and then we went to the outlets by the Citadel and found a ton of vintage fabrics. Patty nearly lost her mind. We ran to the bank and got out as much cash as we could and bought a huge stash of the coolest stuff ever. I'm so excited. I bought a roll of black and gray striped watered silk that we're going to use to recover my sofa and slipper chair. I'm so excited. When Goth Boy gets back my house will be all transformed.

Patty has this idea for this crazy line of dresses that look like something Vivienne Westwood and Betsey Johnson would throw together if they were punk kids growing up in Prague. They are so cool. We bought a really cool vintage black corset at Meow and she's helping me make it super sexy. She made this huge pink satin bow that we can snap onto the butt of the corset. She's going to make bows in all kinds of styles and colors. Now I have to find the perfect shoes to go with my fishnets and my corset. Right now they're just for Goth Boy but I totally expect to be wearing them out and about at some point. I am the Sex Popess of the World after all.

Speaking of Goth Boy I kind of wish he would cut his trip short or fly me out there or something. I'm a little, ahem, bored.

confessions of The Shadow * 4:27 PM

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Sunday, March 06, 2005

I went shopping with Patty yesterday at the dollar store. She's making costumes for her little sister's school play. It's weird that she has a little brother and sister who are so little. Her brother is a little thug. He called 911 on us this morning because we wouldn't make him pancakes. I told the cops to take his little thug ass to the big house and lock him up. The cop was actually kind of cool. He told the brat about the little boy who cried wolf. I'm asking Rhonda's husband if he'll have one of his sisters come over and scare the shit out of him. What a brat.We found a dollar DVD Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter. I bought one for Goth Boy and one for Jesse James. We dropped it off at the WCC shop. Patty bought her man a bunch of vintage cartoons from like the 20's or something. He'll loves that shit.Only one spooky thing has happened in the last few days. I can't wait for the new moon so Priestess Holley can make everything right. My mother called me this morning to invite me to church. My stepsibs girlfriend is singing so she invited me. Can you believe her? I told her to have a good time in Europe and I hung up. She's insane.Patty is teaching me to sew. It looks like a lot of fun but kind of hard. I can't believe women used to sit around all the time doing it all fucking day long. It's a wonder there wasn't a women's revolt a billion years ago where everyone got stabbed in the eye with knitting needles. I watched that DVD Dangerous Beauty with Carey and Patty at Rhonda's house. It made me sad but I totally loved her life. She must have been a Sex Popess of the World. I think Cleopatra was one, too. I don't know who else. Maybe I could look them up. Carey says there actually was a female Pope named Joan and she went into labor during a procession. She says that's why now they do a little ceremony during the coronation or whatever of the Popes to make sure they have a penis. Can you believe that? What if it was a tranny surprise? That would be comedy.

confessions of The Shadow * 12:06 PM

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I am at the head of my class! I just had to run home and blog that. I've never been the smart one. I got 100% on my exam. That's never happened before either. The only tests I usually pass are pregnancy and STD. Hooray for me. I wish my high priest were here to take me out and celebrate. In a moment of weakness I called Boring Boy. I wanted to check his progress anyway. It's going well. He's been a little cool with Ally McBeal and lately he's been hanging out a lot with the Bambina. I think she's a little young for him but she was emansipated when she was 16 so maybe it will be okay. He told me he took her to the Shenandoah and then they went up to the roof of the Dolly Varden and they made out. That sounds like fun. I asked him if he'd thought of it himself and he said yes. He sounded kind of nervous that I wouldn't have thougt it was any good. I told him he got another A with a big red smiley face and stickers.

Goth Boy won't be home for a little while. Patty's been staying over most nights. It's been almost fun. I've never had a girl roommate before. I've seen what happens though, especially through Carey's example. I told Patty that if she gets irritated with me or the other way around one of us has to go stay with Carey for a while. We both agreed but I haven't mentioned it to C yet. I hope it'll be cool with her.

I can't believe I got head of the class. I'm so fucking amazed. Should I call my monster and tell her? I should but I haven't. I'd like to make her happy and I can just imagine how she'll get all gushy and probably want to take me out to lunch. I think I haven't called her because I just want to leave things the way they are. I disappoint her and she disappoints me. Am I a giant pussy and I just can't take her being happy with me? Because it will make hope live again. And when she goes back to being disappointed with everything I do and everything I am then it will feel even worse. She hurts me. I admit it. I hurt her back. It's our loving little way.

Also I think I don't want to hear any shit about how my Hitler Youth step sibs have outshined me in every way possible. Let them go to France and Italy. I'll go out tonight with my girl friends and we'll celbrate our own fucked up way.

confessions of The Shadow * 2:51 PM

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