Friday, September 24, 2004

So Goth Boy apparently doesn't appreciate the fact that the Sex Popess of the World assisted her minion Boring Boy in realizing his sex destiny. Well, you know what the Popess has to say about that? Fuck him is right.

I will fuck whom I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want. And how many times I want. And if Goth Boy would like to have dictation rights about it he'll have to chain me down and film it.

And things were going so well...

My mother called to bitch me out about this and that, but I just hung up on her. I'm looking into this training program at work. If I commit to them for another three years they'll put me through the training program. That might be worth it. Although commitment really isn't my style, the Popess may have to make a little sacrifice here.

I will update you all on the mission of eradicating sex miseducation, one fuck at a time.


confessions of The Shadow * 1:38 PM

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Sunday, September 19, 2004

I feel like I have mono. I know I don't, but I feel like it. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed. It's not that I'm being melodramatic or anything, it's just that I have no energy. I'm kind of tired of my life. I wish something exciting would happen.

I have to plan my excitement. I'm planning kind of a trip to Europe. Not like an MTV Kontiki tour or anything obnoxious like that, but I feel like I haven't been anywhere or done anything. I don't like reading about these guys I know who are traveling all over India. It makes me feel stupid that I haven't gone anywhere.

I wish there was a Goth tour service. I wish it would tell you where to go to see some amazing shit. That would make me happy. So now I have to start saving for that. I know it'll take me probably over a year. I don't care. Maybe I should get a credit card. I don't have that kind of stuff because everyone I know is up shit creek in debt and I just can't be bothered.

Goth Boy is a little hard to handle. I never thought I'd be saying that about a guy, but there it is. We went to a party in Venice and I drove by the house on Brooks, just out of habit mostly and he kind of wigged. He was like, is this the house where Joe Cole bought it? I thought that was so offensive. Joe Cole didn't "buy it". It was taken from him. His life was stolen. Anyway, Goth Boy was like, let's go back and sit on the porch. So disrespectful. I didn't talk to him very much on the way home. Plus, he thinks it's okay for him to drive my car, but he doesn't trust me to get behind the wheel of his truck. What's up with that shit? You either trust someone or you don't and if he doesn't trust me to drive his car, why should I let him drive mine?

I'm not telling him about my travel plans. He's not invited. The purpose of the trip is to go somewhere new, and learn something new, and fuck someone new.



confessions of The Shadow * 5:34 PM

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Sunday, September 12, 2004

Literally had to drag my own ass out of bed just now. Here I am checking my email for Goth Boy's message since he hasn't called me. This is totally inappropriate behavior for the Sex Popess. I beg your forgiveness, sex hunters. Last night I went out to a birthday party in Santa Monica. It was at a club called the Zanzibar. It's a really cool club all dressed up Moroccan style with mushroom stools and low tables and pillows everywhere. The DJ was retarded. He was spinning the dumbest, oldest crap ever. Maybe it was tired disco night and I didn't know. I'm not sure. There's a girl I met who's got Hodgkin's. She's dying and she knows it. She was wearing a cute wig and making out with all the boys and girls. I would too if I was dying. I am dying. We all are. I guess I would just do whatever I was going to do but faster and more. Life is about pacing yourself? Don't ask me, I wouldn't know.

I guess I'm supposed to save my money for a European vacation. I've never been anywhere someone hasn't taken me. My idiot mother used to drag us all over the place with her stupid boyfriends and husbands and tell us we were having fun. We weren't.

I'd like to go see Paris, for the food and shopping and museums. Yes, I like museums. I think Italy is too big to share with another country. I'll go there all just one trip. I think I can do England and France together, though. Some of the guys who used to work in the ER are traveling through India right now. They have their own personal tour guide. That's pretty cool.

I haven't really done anything yet with my life. I've just been having fun and struggling through and working a shit job to pay for it all. I guess I'd like to travel around and meet some cool interesting people. I'd like to go vinyl shopping around the world. I'd like to make out and have fun sex in all the wrong places. Make memories while we're still young? Right.

In about a year I have to go back to school, ugh. I have to get certified for MRI and CT. Once I get MRI I'll be able to make a dollar. I'm not ready to go back to school yet. It's so tedious. I need to get certification or I'll be making inadequate wages for life. That sucks. Too bad I can't sell memberships to the Temple of Pussy Worship. I could make people tithe and that would be very cool. I'd put out a CD of sex affirmations and a calendar of the pussy with a little area to write down who did what to whom when so everyone could keep trach. That would be hilarious. I'd also put out a Sex Bible with the ten sex commandments. Thou shalt lick the pussy and make it wet. Thou shalt suck the dick and make it cum. Thou shalt not engage in booty call without condom. Of course there would also be the sex instruction manual found sprinkled through the Bible with graphic illustrations and demonstration of positions. So helpful. I'm just here to serve, sweeties.

I have to go to my everyday job. It's cool. It's not as bad as the last one. Life is improving bit by bit. I'm just not having as much fun as I'd hoped. Maybe I'll go to a party tonight. Maybe I'll just update my sex journal.


confessions of The Shadow * 11:08 AM

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Thursday, September 09, 2004

Something twisted is going on in my sex life. I slept with Goth Boy. It was like 2 in the morning Saturday night and my doorbell rang. I didn't think I wanted to answer it because I'd been drinking. Heavily. I stumbled to the door really only to tell whoever it was ringing the doorbell to fuck off, but it turned out to be Goth Boy so I let him in. He asked me how I was doing and I said I was drunk and disgusted with his retarded boy behavior. He said he'd come by to fuck my brains out as an apology. I told him I was the Sex Popess of the World and that he would have to beg me from bended knee. He said cool, he'd never fucked a Sex Popess before. He was laughing and got down on his kness and grabbed my legs and said he was going to make my pussy run like a river. I tried to tell him that he wasn't allowed to speak to the Popess like that, but he just picked me up and put me over his shoulder and then dropped me onto my bed. He was like Holy Shit this room is so cool. I told him it was the temple of my sex and he stripped off all his clothes. Oh, yeah. I was already nude because that's how I sleep. So we had mad mad mad sex all over my temple and he was still there next to me when I woke up Sunday morning. I was a little hungover so I took some chaser and a shower and got ready for work like three hours early because I didn't want an awkward morning after thing. He asked me what time I was supposed to go in and I told him. He said we should get breakfast and I let him take a shower. While he was in there I looked in his wallet. I got his full name, address, and birthday from his driver's license and get this: He has three credit cards in his wallet. I wonder what he actually does for a living. I didn't see any photos of anyone in there. I checked his pants and looked at his keys. Not too many on the keychain. That's good. I checked his cell phone. It had a lot of numbers of people who sounded like friends. No numbers saying mom, or dad, or auntie, or work, or home, or doctor or anything like that. Another good indication. He came out of the shower and smelled a little like my lavender soap. We went to the crepe place and ate like pigs on the junk. It was semi-normal. I didn't ask him why he came out of the blue. I know. Whenever the Sex Popess declares herself done with a boy, he lusts for her again. He's all impressed with how I quit my job and did up the temple. I also got a new iPod thing that jacks into my car stero and this little gadget at home. It's pretty cool. Now that I know who he is and a little more what he's about, I don't care if he comes back for more or not. This is how it is for the Popess, she must have an edge on the boy. It's not enough that she's female and therefore infinitely superior, but on a personal basis, she must have an edge. Now I know a little more who he is and where to find him. I know more about him than he does about me. He thinks it's the other way around, but it's not. This is how I like it. It's better this way. Maybe he's got a little bit of Boring Boy buried way down there in his psyche. That would be really cool.

Speaking of Boring Boy, I happen to know that he's been trying out some of his homework on a certain Ally McBeal wannabe and that she's totally fascinated at how "still waters run deep". Yes, bloggers and bloggerettes, life as we know it continues spinning like a crazy carnival carousel out of control.




confessions of The Shadow * 6:38 PM

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