Thursday, June 24, 2004

So it turns out that me and another girl I know have been fucking the same guy. She threw all his shit out in the alley and it got stolen. I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do to him. He doesn't know we know yet. She cut him off because he totally dissed her in the middle of a date. What a jerkoff. What should I, the Sex Popess of the world, do to punish this disrespectful sperm squirter? I can't just let this bad behavior slide, now can I? Transgressions such as this, and what he did to my friend, deserve a severe punishment because I have to set an example after all, don't I? Because I really do care so much about the sex lives of my fellow humans, and because men are so stupid and need to be disciplined and instructed so this kind of bullshit comes to a stop, I am going to do this asshole a favor and set him on the straight and narrow.

I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do, but it will be really really good. I will use all my skills and resources to take this stupid, ungrateful, egotist back to school. Oh, yes boys and girls. I'm going to teach this fucktard a lesson he'll never forget.

confessions of The Shadow * 4:37 PM

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Sunday, June 20, 2004

So my friend Carey told me today that MTV boy is psuedo famous and that makes me a starfucker. Whatever. I don't really care. He's cute and it was nice and he can't help it that he's a minor celebrity. Can he? Should I judge him on that? Would it be reverse discrimination? How big of a celebrity would Joe Cole be now? Actually, even dead he's a minor celebrity. I don't hold it against Joe Cole. I don't hold anything against Joe Cole. I bet Joe Cole would be one of those really cool guys who do Indie films and odd guest appearances and he would even more out of control than that Michael Moore guy. Definitely better looking than that Michael Moore guy. Plus, he'd be on the Henry Rollins radio show every week. I won't hold it against MTV boy. But I won't fuck him again, either.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:59 AM

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Johnny Ramone's dying. That's so fucking sad. Pretty soon all The Ramone's will be gone. That makes me sad. I know older people go into diarrhea fits about The Beatles, but I couldn't give a shit. When The Ramones are all gone, that will be a tragedy.

I got hit on by a guy in the Viper Room who said he was Bobby Ramone. What an idiot. I may not know much but even I know there was never a Bobby Ramone. He wasn't even cute. I finally had to tell him to eat shit because he wouldn't leave me alone. He said he wasn't into skat play but he'd try with me. Fat chance asshole.

I wish Johnny Ramone would come see Dr Robert Nagourney. Just to make sure he's on his deathbed. Like I said, I know I'm not brilliant, but Dr Nagourney is. If he pronounces you dead, that's it, order the coffin. Gosh, it makes me think of that song The Day The Music Died. I heard a punk version once by this crazy band that changes it's name all the time. It was a good rendition. They also did Ghostriders In The Sky, and a ska version of Holiday In Cambodia. They rocked the house. They always do.

confessions of The Shadow * 7:58 PM

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Friday, June 11, 2004

My clit's out of hibernation. I met this guy, totally older than me by like 10 years. I ususally don't go for that because they can't keep up and they're all like be my nasty little girl and it's just really tedious. I don't have daddy issues so it's unnecessary. At least I don't think I do. Anyway, I met this cute guy and it's probably because I haven't had it in a bit so I let him come home and stay the night. Which indicated he didn't have a family to get home to. I never believe the guy, but if they stay all night it's a good indication he's single. So when we were together he was so appreciative of my body. Like he was in awe of me or something. It was really cool to feel his hands going over every inch of me. Ususally the guys I'm with, even my "boyfriends", only look at me. They don't actually feel my body with their hands except for my breasts and ass. He sniffed my hair and then he did something that was really cool. He leaned back on all my pillows and pulled me up against him and we just sat like that. He had his arms around me and I was kind of sitting on his lap, but it wasn't like a lap fuck or anything. I was just sitting in his lap with my head against his chest and he kissed my forehead and that was all. It was nice. We sat like that for about 10 minutes and maybe it was because I'd tired him out, but I don't care. It was good for me too, and that's all that really matters, isn't it?

confessions of The Shadow * 4:21 PM

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Saturday, June 05, 2004

Let's talk about sex. In my campaign as sex popess of the world, I demand that all inconsiderate lovers be branded with a big "-" right on their abdomen above where there pussy or penis is. This is to let other people know that this guy will not go down on you and won't care if you're wet enough before shoving his dick inside you. Anyone who dry dicks a girl will be thrown into sex jail for one night to be dry dicked by a big nasty prisoner freak. Now girls, let's talk about blowjobs. Fellatio, sounds like an Italian dessert, doesn't it? You don't have to swallow if you don't want to. You don't have to deep throat if it makes you gag. Just keep up the rhythm. Lick and squeeze his balls, stroke his cum button a bit, see what he likes. Guys are as different as we are with how they want to be touched. Make him tell you how good it feels. Use your hand at the bottom of his shaft and your mouth and tongue at the top. Just keep up the rhythm. Because any girls who cocktease and give lousy half-assed blowjobs are going to sex jail, too. You'll get to spend the night with some nasty prisoner lez hag who will make you lick her clit until you do it right.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:33 AM

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Thursday, June 03, 2004

Okay, my clit's in hibernation, but my hands and mouth aren't. I met the sweetest, cutest boy the other day. He works for MTV. He's in his thirties, and he is so shy. He called me all night because he couldn't find my place, couldn't find parking, finally he got to the door. He was so shy, he just kept laughing. He put his hood over his face when I led him to my bedroom, excuse me boudoir as Carey calls it. He kept laughing and saying he was nervous. I asked him if he was afraid of me, and he said no and then laughed. It was so funny. I started being all dom with him and I gave him all kinds of instructions. He totally complied. It felt good to be bossy. I gave him a deepthroat. He said it was his first. I don't know if I believe him, but when I put my finger on his cum button while I going down on him his whole body tensed and I thought he was going to pass out or something. Guys usually talk dirty to me or say Oh yeah, baby and all that shit while we're involved, but I love it when he's so orgasmic he can't even speak. He'll probably never call me again, just like all the others. I don't really care. He is so cute and sweet and I'm glad I made him speechless.

confessions of The Shadow * 8:47 PM

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