Saturday, May 29, 2004

So when my friend and I got all those responses from Craigs List a lot of guys sent pictures of their dicks. It was pretty funny. One guy sent a picture of his erect penis next to a can of Pepsi so I would have some idea of just how huge it is. I sent that picture to Rocker boy on his band email. I explained really sweetly that he could stay on tour as long as he liked because I had someone to keep me company. My phone's been ringing off the hook. He tried to come by but I pretended I wasn't home.

I saw Goth boy. He helped my friend and I find parking last week. So I guess he does live around here. I had to hold myself back from walking the street where we parked and looking for his truck. I'm not pursuing or stalking him. I don't think he even saw me last weekend. If we run into each other, great. If not, I'm cool with it. Although I would really really like to run into him again. I saw head injury boy at work and he said he was glad I got home okay from Vegas and that he was sorry I left early. I told him it was cool. I guess I should be amazed he even bothered to say it. I am actually. I haven't heard from Boring boy since I told him I wished I hadn't slept with him. One of the fat hens here told me she saw him eating lunch in the cafeteria with the dumb bitch who wants to be Ally McBeal. I could tell the fat hen was totally gloating and faking feeling sorry for me, which is good because there's no reason to feel sorry for me, stupid bitch. I hope he is seeing her. She's so ordinary and common, they'd be perfect for each other. She'll probably sleep with him in a safe vanilla flavored way and that's all I'm hoping for. He's a really good guy. He's just not good for me.

confessions of The Shadow * 5:44 PM

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Friday, May 21, 2004

Want to hear something really funny? So since my clit is in hibernation right now I went to see Troy with my friend Carey. She's having all kinds of work and rent drama but we both needed a distraction so we went out just girls. Before we left we were looking around on craigs list and we browsed for a minute in the casual encounters. People are so funny. Anyway, Carey didn't know what MILF and 420 meant so I explained to her about moms I want to fuck and the whole cannabis thing. Just for laughs we posted a funny ad. When we got home from the movie we checked to see if anyone had written us back and there were over 220 ads from desperate guys all over LA and OC. Most of them sent their pics and a lot of them sent pics of their parts. We deleted most of them but there were a few of those guys I probably wouldn't mind meeting. It was hysterical. So one of the last responses we looked at was from guess who? No, come on guess. Yes, it was from rocker boy. What a fucking slut. I wrote him back from the ghostmail account that I would only be in town for the weekend but that I definitely wanted to meet his dick. I described myself for real and then I left a wrong phone number. He wrote back about 10 minutes later that I sounded exactly like his ex-girlfriend and begged me for a good number or meeting place because "you sound like you look exactly like her and I just need to get over her". What a fucker. If I ever see or hear from him again I'm gonna kick his ass to China. I was never his girlfriend. God I hate the way guys always make assumptions. Anyway after that it wasn't funny anymore and Carey felt bad for playing such a trick. We never thought we'd get hardly any responses especially not over 200. Guys are so lame.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:44 PM

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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

It's raining men. Lie. More like it's raining bitchy little boys. Rocker boy showed up out of nowhere. Remember him? Exactly. He called me out of the dark blue this morning to moan and cry about how everyone is persecuting him. His band is a bunch of fucktards. His manager's a dick. His parents are worthless. God he just would not shut up. I finally had to hang up on him. I just don't have time for that kind of bullshit right now. I know the deal. He's been on the road and it's been oh so rough. You know why? Because he's not in Aerosmith. He's in a glorified garage band that changes it's name and line-up every other week. He's home and he's broke and he's tired and he's been thinking of me since he hit the state line because my sheets are clean and my hair smells good and he thinks he'll just come over and open my fridge and my legs and take whatever he wants. Except that scenario is as unappealing as he is. I can't stand his voice. I don't know why I ever thought he was cute or interesting. He can't even sing. He plays guitar like a blind man learning braille. He doesn't have any kind of style or presence. He's just so lame.

I wish Goth boy would call me or come over. I haven't even seen him around town. I guess that probably means he never actually lived around here, but probably his fucking girlfriend did. I don't know what I'm bitching about. I deserve all I'm getting. I should never have slept with boring boy. I know it was wrong and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was as wrong as that freak teacher who slept with her student and had like two kids with him. Boring boy is as soft as a 6th grader when it comes to sex and relationships. I'm like a PhD in fucked up relationships and the joys of sex.

I wish there was a real sex goddess who I could go into a sex goddess temple and worship and ask for forgiveness and she could wash away all my sex trauma and sex sins and give me really cool sex vibes and natural birth control. That would be enough to make me go into a house of worship. I'd even study to become a high priestess. I could work my way up to becoming the popess. That would be so very cool. I could be driven around everywhere in the popess mobile, like the pope has that bullet proof crazy car, but like for me it would be a peekaboo stripper booth. I could do a little pole dancing in a really cool outfit and then instead of handing out blessings, I'd hand out condoms and lubricants and little books of sexual positions and etiquette and sex safety. That would be a cool job. Sex popess of the world. Everyone would either fear me or worship me. I would never be ignored.

And Goth boy would be so sad he never called me again.

confessions of The Shadow * 11:10 PM

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Saturday, May 15, 2004

My life is a downward spiral of asinine choices. I should never be so blaming on how my idiotic mother lives her life. She's always floated from man to man clinging to whoever was handy at the moment. I've never wanted to be that animal. I hate it when guys flatter me and try to turn my head by saying such obvious stuff like you're so pretty, you're so hot, you're so fuckable, I want you, I need you, I love you, vomit vomit vomit. Weird indirect compliments like my taste in music or my opinion about something or my point of view seem so much more real to me. That's why boring boy will never cut it with me. He's so fucking ordinary. I know he's nice and sincere and means well like a Hallmark card, but it's just so inadequate. I told him I was sorry I fucked him. He said that made him feel like shit and he hung up on me. My respect for him doubled immediately.

Goth boy has not shown up and I haven't heard the Mighty Mouse song since that damn cartoon aired on UHF when I was really really little. Okay. I guess I'm ready for a new boy. In the meantime my legs are closed and I'm not taking reservations. My clit is on sabatical, and I know I spelled that wrong but give me a break, I was miseducated in the California public school system. 

Went to see two amazingly ass-kicking bands last night. Mr Sony music said they were shit and he wouldn't sign either of them. Shows you what a retard he is. He's never even heard of the Mean Reds or Screwball Comedy. My friend Carey was telling him about the Stereotype and the Dust Jackets, but he acted like my stepdad does when my mom is talking. He just nodded his head and pretended he was listening while he was checking out other chicks. Of course later on he tried to go home with her. That was funny. She kissed his cheek and told him he was sweet. On the way back to the car she told me she could never be with someone who made so much money because he probably didn't have a soul. She's probably right. Plus he said one time that Ian MacKaye kept up Dischord as more of a hobby than anything else because he and all the bands he signs would be thrown out of a "legitimate" label. I can't believe he wasn't struck by lightning when he said that. What a moron. No wonder he makes so much cash.

confessions of The Shadow * 8:00 AM

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Tuesday, May 04, 2004

I fucked boring boy. I wish someone would kill me. I don't have the balls to off myself. I can't look in the mirror. My life is out of control but not in the good way. The sex wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be but I know he feels totally differently about me than I feel about him even though I don't know what he feels about me because he doesn't even know me. So whatever it is that he feels and whoever it is he thinks I am it doesn't really matter all that much because it's completely out of sync with what I feel and who I am. So we didn't make love or even have sex. We fucked. He called it being intimate. His mother called while we were doing it. I wanted to just get up and get dressed and run out of there but I felt bad for even thinking it even though it would have been the truth. I feel like I've been lying to him ever since I called him from Vegas. I'd like to be a girl and blame this all on head injury boy but then I'd feel like my clit was controlled by someone else and it never ever is. I'm as responsible for who I fuck as anyone else. Please someone just kill me. He keeps calling. If he sends me any cards or flowers I'm leaving them in a patient's room. I swear to the god I don't believe in that I will. I can't stop fantasizing that goth boy will show up and sing the mighty mouse song. Please god let me die in my sleep tonight.

confessions of The Shadow * 8:51 PM

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