Friday, February 27, 2004

I have to be at work in an hour. I don't want to go. Ever. Again. I went skiing in Mammoth. Had a good time. Got closer to a guy I know from work. Had some really good sex. Then he almost died and I either lost or had stolen all the ski stuff I borrowed from a friend. I haven't told her yet. How will I explain it? I had such good sex the gods punished me by taking all your stuff? I don't think she'll groove with that. Now I have to spend my new lingerie money on replacing all that stuff. I wonder if she has ski stuff insurance? I bet not. I wonder if I could say it was stolen from the van and see if the car insurance would pay for it? That's what this other guy suggested. I wish he would come back. He's nice. His parents got killed in a car accident with a little boy. It sucks when kids die. Even the sick ones that you kind of wish would die because they're suffering. I hope she doesn't want to go skiing soon. Maybe now would be a good time to call my mom and cry and ask for her help like she always wants me to. I could whimper on the phone that I'm lost and don't know what to do. Help me, Mommy. Be my hero. Then she could make up for being such a retard of a mom by replacing the ski stuff for me. Two birds, one stone. Probably not. I saw that movie Lost in Translation with boring boy. We both really loved it. I kind of didn't want to admit it because then we'd have something kind of in common. I wonder if I could teach him to fuck me like this guy in Mammoth did. Probably not. Boring boy will never have the intensity guys like that have. The ride back was a trip. I have to work some serious overtime to pay for that ski stuff. It was skis, poles, boots, gloves, jumper, jacket, and goggles. The only thing I have left for her is the gloves and jacket. The nice guy who left us yelled at the girls who were with me. He said we were supposed to mix up our stuff so the skis, boots, and poles didn't match so people wouldn't steal them. I would never have thought of that. I get scared that I like nice people. I don't know what that is. It's like jerks or clowns or bad boys you expect to hurt you and you can see it coming and you can dodge the bullets. But nice people throw me off with all their manners and opening doors and all. I don't think it's true, though. I don't think anyone could actually be so nice. If I had my choice I'd rather be with a guy who acts like a punk but has a good heart than with a guy who acts like he's nice but is really a pig. I know Joe Cole was not a "nice" boy. I've never read anything negative about him. It's like everyone adored him. I think he was probably a rocker with a heart of gold. The mythical being that cannot be tamed. Maybe that's why he and Rollins were such good friends. I think Henry Rollins acts tough so people will back off because really he's a sensitive guy. I may be totally talking out of my ass right now, but it seems like he goes to great lengths of self preservation and protection. I have to get ready for work. I have to look and act nice today because I'm about to beg for overtime.

confessions of The Shadow * 10:52 AM

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004

The blogs are all broken. I don't know what's going on. I kind of like this one, though. Maybe I'll keep it. We'll see. Nothing new in the world. We're extra busy here today. The rain is making for a lot of car accidents. My hair is all messed up. I put it up in a pony tail and one of the fat hens here told me I look 'cute'. I hope she has an aneurysm. I hope everyone's Valentine's Day was better than mine. I had sex but it wasn't that fun. I don't know. Guys are retarded. Girls are boring. Maybe I should start fucking aliens. Like all those people who say they've been abducted and impregnated by the aliens. I wonder if the sex is good. Or these people who say they have lovers on the spirit level or astral plane. I wonder if that sex is any good.



confessions of The Shadow * 2:20 PM

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Monday, February 09, 2004

This weekend was total rip off. Some people have theories about full moons. I don't. All I know is this weekend was a total waste. I got nothing done and I had no fun. I wasted time on people who don't deserve my attention. I tried to go out with cute boy but he had band practice and a gig. Fuck him. I've been out with guys like him before. Married to the music. You're just supposed to be their groupie. Fuck that. It's totally like that joke. What do you call a rocker who's girlfriend just dumped him? Homeless.

Then boring boy called me. I was really tempted to let him take me out. Then I figured I was already irritated and it probably wasn't a good idea to be out in public. I just screwed around all weekend. I went vinyl shopping, but I didn't have any money so my heart wasn't in it. I always find the best stuff when I have no money. This weekend sucked. This week sucks, too. I know it's only Monday, but at least 103.1 plays commercial free Mondays.

confessions of The Shadow * 2:23 PM

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Thursday, February 05, 2004

I talked to my mom finally. She's a moron. I'm the offspring of a moron and that makes me feel so American. It makes me feel like I'm just one of an enormous tribe. The whole time we were on the phone she was talking baby talk to her new dog. She has a lot of dogs. I don't really like pets. She's sending me money for clothes. I told her I needed money for my car insurance, but she didn't want to send any for that. She said I needed to learn to look after myself and she went into a long lecture about driving safely and drunk drivers and the DMV and all kinds of shit but I wasn't really listening. I was watching the Real World on mute so the words show up at the bottom for deaf people. Maybe I should go on Real World. They have a character right now called Frankie. She's supposed to be really intense and Punk Rock because she has CF and smokes and does club drugs. Big Fucking Deal. I work with a lot of CF people here. It's a drag. That's probably how she's keeping her weight down. I wonder if she's a tweaker because she's spent so much time inpatient. It fucks with your head after a while. Everything becomes a big deal and everyone's expected to take all your shit with no comment or consequence. If I was on that show I'd kick everyone's ass. I'd be like the chick on the New Orleans season who was never in the house and barely showed up for the cameras. I'd take full advantage of everything and be totally non drama. I'm waiting for the episode of this Real World where we find out Frankie is a fraud.

confessions of The Shadow * 7:05 PM

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Monday, February 02, 2004

Met a new guy. He's cute. He knows who Hal Hartley is. I'm impressed. Went out with the asshole who said the Christina Aguilera thing. Mission executed as planned. Went shopping. Bought a new bra. This one's for underwear instead of outerwear. Haven't called boring boy back. Probably never will. Ignored several phone calls from my mom after deciding she doesn't deserve the peace of mind of knowing I'm fine. I'll call her later to hit her up for $$$ when I need it. Life sucks. Everyone's depressed. Usually it's just me. I have no way of cheering anyone up when they say life sucks. I can only agree.

confessions of The Shadow * 5:20 PM

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